[Cats777]

I saw this story back in 2004. I did not write this!

The Very Secret Diaries of an Object Moving at a Constant Speed Across a Frictionless Surface

t = 0 Days
Started moving across the frictionless surface at a constant velocity v. Don't actually know how I got to this speed, considering that one second I was at rest and the next thing I know I was moving at a constant positive speed. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Whatever.

t = 1 Days
Moving at a constant velocity v. Everything's a go.

t = 2 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Getting bored.

t = 5 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wish I had bought some reading materials at that newstand I saw at t = 3.5632. But then again, it's not as if I could stop.

t = 8 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Lucky thing I'm an abstract geometric object whose center of mass is located at a spot that is easy to pinpoint so I could be studied easily by people who don't know calculus. If I was, say, a penguin, then I would've starved to death already.

t = 20 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wishing now that I'm a penguin and have already starved to death.

t = 53 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Saw a cute parallelepiped going in the opposite direction at constant velocity -v. Should've asked her for her number.

t = 54 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am wishing that I'm a penguin. If I was, I'd be able to do something about the fact that I am horny thinking about the parallelepiped seeing how I'd have arms and genitals. I could, in fact, alter my trajectory my masturbating. But wait, if I was a penguin I wouldn't think that parallelepiped are hot, unless I had a geometry fetish. And I'd also be dead and possibly less bored.

t = 153 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Maybe at one point I was a penguin sliding down frictionless surfaces, but I had a geometry fetish and God sent me to this hell after I died during an inelastic collusion with another penguin.

t = 639 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am going insane and seeing fractals. I should not have watched that movie with the Mandelbrot set sticking its infinitely many tentacles into a Menger sponge dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl the night before taking this trip.

t = 2784 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Am contemplating the nature of the universe. Am I on a sphere? A cylinder? A torus? Or maybe I'm on an infinite plane.

t = 6493 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. Wishing for the sweet embrace of a warm electromagnetic field. Crying doesn't help.

t = 85373929 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity v. I think I've figured it out. Given the velocity of the cute parallelepiped, the speed of light, mating habits of penguins, a probabilistic model involving a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer and a bar, and the eight branches of mathematics I developed in the last 80 million days I have figured out the exact nature of existence--

t = t_1 Days
Collided with an abstract geometric object moving at a constant velocity -v. Am now moving at a constant velocity -v. What was I thinking about before the collision? Oh, well. Who am I? What day is today?

t = t_1 + 213 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Very very bored. Images of fractals having sex with each other as well as equations and symbols I have never seen before keep haunting me. Wish I had hands and a knife so I could commit suicide.

t = t_1 + 85373876 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Was reaching the zenith of my insanity when I finally saw that cute parallelepiped again. I think I remember almost everything now. At this rate, I could reconstruct all my results in about two months.

t = t_1 + 85373929 Days
Still moving at a constant velocity -v. Was almost complete with calculations when I saw incoming object moving at a constant velocity v. Am now bracing for impact.

t = t_2 Days
Started moving across the frictionless surface at a constant velocity v. Don't actually know how I got to this speed, considering that one second I was at rest and the next thing I know I was moving at a constant positive speed. Maybe I'm thinking too much. Whatever.

[furubachick]

This is really funny. Were did you find it?

[Heero Yuy]

i dont get it o.O

[Cats777]